[0.0s] Previously on Dumbgeons and Dragons.
[2.2s] Hello! Hello! You guys look like you need a quest!
[7.0s] Where are you going?
[7.8s] To Daggerford!
[9.2s] Yeah, that and a hub with the turt gobbos.
[11.6s] Wait, there's turt gobbos?
[13.4s] That's what Domain said.
[15.2s] Something's running towards us. You can't see that?
[17.5s] My name is Fen... Fen Talma. I am of the Waterdeep City Guard.
[21.9s] The goat riders! They're coming!
[23.6s] I'm sorry, the goat riders?
[24.9s] Are they riding goats?
[25.9s] They chased me out and they said they'd come get me for...
[29.3s] for being a turncoat.
[30.9s] Oh, well your coat doesn't seem turned at all.
[33.0s] While everyone's talking, Sully lets loose an arrow at one of the guards on goats.
[39.3s] Okay! Oh, we're doing this! Okay!
[41.1s] Your halfling friend takes the initiative, quite literally.
[44.8s] And then you hear like a jangling going on inside, like a makeshift bell of sorts.
[50.5s] Guys, I think I made a mistake.
[52.2s] Blow my breath weapon like around it.
[55.2s] What is that?
[56.2s] It'll eat you.
[57.0s] It'll eat me?
[57.8s] Oh yeah, if you don't give us the information we want.
[60.2s] And change your ways for better.
[62.3s] What is going on out here?
[64.2s] They've come. They've got seeds.
[67.0s] They untied me.
[68.5s] We're trying to build bridges here.
[70.6s] We would like to talk with you about setting up a goblin district in this city
[78.2s] to live harmoniously with the rest of the people coming to live here.
[83.0s] Say ah, thanks man, you made a good choice.
[85.0s] Those other two, they're very frivolous.
[86.5s] Moot, Glim, Sully has your gold.
[89.5s] And you look in front of you and Bertie has tried to climb into the dungeon.
[114.4s] Welcome to Dumbgeons and Dragons.
[116.0s] We're a D&D 5th edition actual play podcast.
[118.5s] And I'm your dungeon master, Russ More.
[120.5s] And with me today is Karla Maxted.
[123.1s] That is me.
[124.6s] Not staring into the sun because I'm a smart one.
[127.4s] And I play Glim.
[128.6s] Also with me, Amy More.
[130.6s] I am here.
[131.6s] I am the sun.
[133.8s] And I play Sullivan Slate.
[136.3s] And Tom Laird.
[138.4s] That's me.
[139.4s] I'm playing Moot.
[143.0s] Not staring at shit.
[144.1s] Nope, I don't stare.
[145.3s] Eyes closed, full heart, can't lose, right?
[149.0s] That's the same.
[149.8s] It's almost dead.
[150.9s] Nope, that's the same now.
[153.2s] Who's ready for tonight?
[155.4s] Everybody is.
[156.2s] So ready for tonight.
[158.0s] So prepared.
[159.3s] Three out of four of us are anyway.
[160.8s] Funny story.
[161.9s] I made a schedule for the entire year.
[164.0s] And he definitely didn't talk about it every single waking minute.
[167.7s] Didn't talk about it every time we got together and was very proud of it.
[171.4s] And then it gets to tonight.
[174.1s] And I prepped for the wrong game.
[177.6s] Wah wah.
[180.4s] I mean, hopefully won't happen again.
[183.0s] It's lesson learned.
[184.2s] Listen to your own advice.
[185.5s] But read the schedule that you read the schedule.
[189.3s] Don't just assume what you thought you put down.
[192.2s] Read the schedule.
[193.5s] Not when you do it for the whole year, Russ.
[195.3s] You're so far too prepared.
[197.8s] There was no way you could have remembered.
[199.6s] Also, there's no way you're going to do this again.
[201.8s] Because you are now planned.
[203.8s] For next week.
[205.8s] So I'm at least good for two weeks.
[208.6s] But yes, we are playing Moot, Glam and Sully tonight.
[210.8s] And we're very excited about it.
[212.5s] And what we're also very excited about is some of the sweet bonus content we have
[216.7s] coming up over on Patreon.
[219.2s] Which includes a game that just Carla, Amy and I played.
[223.5s] We left Tom out because he was down in Mexico and didn't want to call in.
[228.2s] He was having a good time.
[229.4s] But we had a good time too.
[230.4s] No one had made a year long schedule at that point, Russ.
[234.1s] We were coming to the end of the year, Tom, and it was probably still scheduled.
[239.5s] But you said, fuck you, Russ.
[241.2s] I'm going to Mexico.
[242.3s] That is when I clicked confirm on the trip.
[244.2s] I was like, fuck you, Russ.
[246.7s] Take that, you son of a bitch.
[248.5s] And Carla and I were like, take us with you.
[252.0s] But we have that sweet game.
[254.6s] The Bloodlust Caverns is the game that we played.
[257.8s] And it's a game that I prepped for another table.
[261.8s] And was like, hey, this will be fun to play.
[263.7s] Just do whatever you want.
[265.0s] And we did.
[266.4s] Oh boy, did we.
[267.8s] So did.
[271.3s] I can't wait to listen to it again.
[273.7s] Almost instantly.
[275.0s] I'm so excited to listen to it, all produced by Russ.
[278.6s] Because let me just say, I think it may have been some of Carla and I's best work ever.
[285.9s] They weren't held back by Tom.
[287.2s] This episode is what they're saying.
[291.4s] We weren't held back by anything.
[293.9s] Anything, really.
[295.2s] Fear of mortality.
[297.3s] No, definitely not that.
[299.7s] Definitely leaned into that one-shot mentality.
[304.4s] Higher level, one-shot mentality.
[306.6s] Yeah.
[307.3s] And I think it's going to be a hoot.
[308.6s] But there's that whole, like TomDM is a whole game.
[311.9s] We're on like season three of that.
[313.5s] Like there's so much good content over there.
[315.8s] And when you are a patron, you get an episode dedicated to you.
[319.4s] Like today's patron, Yah-ha-sha.
[324.6s] Oh my goodness.
[325.4s] Is that the best name of one of our patrons?
[327.4s] I think it may be.
[328.2s] Would you yell that?
[329.1s] It's definitely up there.
[330.1s] It might be a joy.
[331.0s] Like that's a joyful expression.
[332.4s] It's a joyful name.
[333.8s] I like it.
[334.8s] Thank you for being a patron.
[334.9s] If anyone rolls a crit 20 tonight, that's what you have to yell.
[339.3s] Yah-ha-sha?
[340.3s] Yah-ha-sha.
[341.7s] Oh, I love it.
[342.6s] Oh, I like it too.
[343.7s] Thanks for being born.
[345.4s] Thanks for being born and for being a patron.
[347.9s] And I hope I remember.
[349.9s] Number one, I hope I roll a crit 20.
[351.8s] And number two, I hope I remember to yell that in exclamatory joy when I do.
[356.9s] You know, it's like huzzah, but better.
[359.8s] Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast.
[361.8s] Go check it out.
[362.6s] And now fuck it.
[363.8s] Let's play D&D.
[369.7s] Previously, you were in Daggerford with your newfound friend Circumference
[373.8s] and Squire Root, who, as they bid you a fond farewell,
[377.3s] they headed further north on their quest for finding round things.
[387.1s] Was that their quest?
[388.7s] Don't know.
[390.3s] It is now.
[391.0s] I thought maybe they were going to look for the next biggest jar of jelly.
[396.0s] Like just going through the sweet condiment list.
[398.6s] Or maybe like a big cheese wheel.
[402.0s] No, definitely round things.
[404.2s] Definitely round things.
[405.6s] And if they ever come back, I'm going to make them build a back story
[409.1s] to say exactly what round things they have found.
[412.2s] Perfect.
[413.6s] But you set out from Daggerford and have now been on foot.
[418.8s] There was no caravan headed your way,
[421.4s] the way you were traveling further down the tradeway.
[425.4s] Odd.
[426.1s] I know.
[427.1s] But you've been traveling for close to 10 days now.
[432.2s] Stopping, camping, catching food as you so desired.
[438.1s] And you come to a fork in the road.
[441.4s] To the east, which is closer to the direction.
[445.5s] Long term, you need to go.
[446.8s] If you look at a map that's a pretty far away east, you need to go.
[450.2s] You were told that you'll run into the city of Subar.
[454.3s] If you go to the west, it leads you back and around to the coast and to Baldur's Gate.
[461.6s] Is it just the three of us?
[463.6s] It is just the three of you.
[466.6s] Ah, forked is a fuck in the road.
[473.4s] No, I think that's it.
[474.4s] No, no, no, no.
[475.2s] Quick, jump in with another character.
[475.9s] No, you hear me rewinding.
[477.1s] Jump in another character.
[477.8s] You hear me rewinding.
[478.6s] I feel like you nailed it.
[482.5s] Old man walks by.
[483.7s] I think she said, fuck, there's a fork in the road.
[485.7s] Fork, there's a fuck in the road.
[487.0s] Maybe you couldn't have done it any right.
[488.4s] I can't even fuck it up.
[489.9s] I don't know why you want to change it.
[492.0s] No, yeah, that's right.
[493.3s] That's what he meant to say.
[494.6s] Of course, it's exactly how Sully talks.
[496.6s] I think you nailed it in your first line into the episode.
[499.4s] You young hooligans and your profanities about roads.
[504.8s] He keeps carrying on.
[507.3s] That random guy that just walks through, you know,
[510.7s] just mocks the way that I talk and then just.
[513.8s] Where's he going?
[514.5s] We haven't seen anybody in days.
[517.3s] Sir, you know, we're going to follow the thread.
[524.6s] How dare you put it in our map?
[527.3s] Oh, no.
[528.7s] Yeah.
[529.0s] What can you tell us about Subaru?
[532.7s] It's down.
[535.3s] What do you want to know about it?
[536.6s] Is that where you're going?
[537.8s] No, no, I'm headed up to water deep there.
[543.8s] Okay.
[544.2s] What do you need to know about Subaru?
[549.5s] What's a jam situation like in Subaru?
[554.0s] Is that some sort of some sort of innuendo like the fuck?
[558.5s] There's a fork in the road or fork?
[560.0s] I don't even fucking know what you said.
[565.4s] I think she actually just means just literal jam.
[568.9s] We were just in Daggerford and there was.
[570.8s] We checked out that huge jar of jam there.
[572.6s] A giant jar of jam.
[574.5s] Yeah, yeah, sure.
[576.1s] Anything like that.
[577.3s] So, yeah, well, I mean, Subaru, it's an interesting town.
[583.2s] What is your experience with scary things?
[589.0s] I've heard of some scary things.
[591.6s] Well, there was like a witch that we met one time.
[594.8s] And the ghost boy with only one eye.
[596.6s] Oh, yeah, the ghost boy.
[598.4s] That's cool.
[599.0s] You'll fit right in in Subaru.
[601.0s] No, it's kind of a hot spot for people you don't want to mess around with.
[610.9s] Like, it's not even really a stop in town.
[613.7s] There's no real big place to go.
[616.3s] You probably want to take the shortcut down and go to El Toro or Trielle instead.
[622.5s] Do we have to go through Subaru to get there?
[625.5s] You could.
[626.5s] You could cut through Subaru.
[629.0s] Um, do you like, do you like werefolk and mind flares?
[637.8s] Hot spot for mind flares.
[640.8s] Oh, I've never met a mind flare.
[643.8s] Yeah, you probably don't want to meet a mind flare.
[647.5s] What do mind flares look like?
[649.4s] So we noticed you're clear of them.
[651.8s] Also, is it flair?
[653.3s] Like, like, they're so fantastic.
[655.8s] Like, look at me and my flare.
[658.7s] Mind flare.
[660.0s] No, no, mind flare.
[662.1s] Flair, f-l-a-y-r.
[665.7s] Flair.
[667.1s] Mind flare.
[668.0s] They, um, they have, um, well, you know, they wear robes.
[672.8s] And then they have kind of these tentacly octopus faces.
[677.5s] And they, they flare your mind.
[680.6s] And moot writes down octopus faces.
[686.1s] Does he phonetically spell flare as well?
[690.3s] He does.
[690.7s] F-l-y-f-l-a-y-r.
[694.0s] Flair.
[695.3s] So I, you look like a fine young group.
[698.1s] I wouldn't want to send you to Subar.
[700.4s] Anybody who told you to go to Subar's probably didn't do their prep beforehand.
[705.4s] I don't know about you guys, but I'm like in the mood for adventure.
[713.6s] I feel like you're always in that mood, Sully.
[716.9s] I may only have three or four different moods.
[720.7s] All I picture now is this old man just like Homer Simpson-ing into the shrubs.
[726.2s] Or don't go to Subar and then just vanishes.
[729.9s] Well, I don't know.
[730.5s] What do you guys think?
[731.3s] Um, I mean, he makes it sound.
[734.6s] Thank you.
[735.2s] Thank you, sir.
[735.8s] Yeah.
[736.2s] No.
[736.7s] Over the Borskir Bridge.
[738.2s] Head straight across the path and well, there's Subar.
[743.5s] If you take a, take a right and go south and cut through some other ways,
[747.4s] you could probably hit El Turo.
[750.6s] Might be better.
[752.4s] Your call.
[755.8s] Okay, bye.
[758.2s] Friends, in my mission to know myself better,
[761.1s] I feel like I am not maybe the best judge of character in that I assume
[765.0s] all people have the best motivations at all times.
[767.3s] So what do you think?
[769.2s] Was that man tricking us because Subar is actually amazing?
[775.4s] Or was he giving us genuine terrifying advice about staying away from the scary creatures?
[781.3s] It's, it's tough to tell with the older folk because some of them
[785.8s] genuinely, you know, have, have your best interests in mind.
[789.1s] And other ones, like maybe that fellow who has no friends,
[793.0s] just wants to, you know, fuck with you.
[795.6s] So who knows which way it could go.
[798.1s] Maybe he has just prejudices against
[801.0s] mind flayer and people who have different facial structuralities.
[806.0s] Oh, that could be it.
[807.4s] That's a good point.
[808.4s] I don't know, Sully.
[809.2s] I feel like you are really like a keen student of the nature of humanoid beings.
[817.4s] What do you think?
[818.0s] Was he being truthful?
[822.2s] Oh, geez, man, I'm not sure.
[824.2s] I mean, I generally don't get along with the elderly population
[827.8s] for this exact reason is that because they have very little to lose in life now.
[833.0s] And so they just go ahead and just say whatever the fuck they want is
[836.5s] just generally the feeling that I got from them.
[839.8s] So, I mean, maybe we should leave it up to fate.
[844.7s] You hear heavy footsteps coming from the path to the west.
[847.9s] We're about to meet everybody.
[849.7s] We haven't seen anybody for days,
[851.4s] but all of a sudden we're going to meet a lot of people.
[853.9s] I didn't say you didn't see anybody.
[855.4s] I just said there were no caravans willing to take you that way.
[858.2s] That we hadn't seen anyone for days for us.
[860.2s] It's been days since we've seen anyone.
[862.6s] You hear heavy footsteps running.
[865.9s] Excuse me.
[866.8s] It's a burlier man and he's out of breath from running so far.
[871.0s] He says, excuse me, have you seen and
[874.5s] have you seen an older man were coming his way by himself?
[878.0s] Yes.
[878.5s] Did he escape from an old folks home?
[880.7s] Well, no, excuse me, didn't escape necessarily.
[885.8s] Just, you know, goes on walkabouts.
[889.0s] Yeah, yeah.
[890.2s] And we've been missing him for a few days.
[893.7s] He disappeared into this bush over here.
[895.9s] He just went that way.
[898.8s] You just missed him.
[899.8s] Great.
[900.2s] Where are you three headed?
[902.2s] Well, I don't know.
[903.0s] What do you know about Subar?
[904.7s] Oh, don't fucking go to Subar.
[908.9s] Thanks for your help.
[909.7s] I'm going to go catch the old guy.
[913.3s] Okay.
[913.7s] If one more person comes along and says it's a bad idea, we don't go to Subar.
[917.4s] I mean, rule three, right?
[919.0s] That's exactly what I'm thinking.
[920.4s] You can't ignore the rule of three.
[922.2s] A bird zips by your head.
[923.8s] Don't go to Subar.
[928.9s] Well, I guess.
[929.7s] I feel like we should go to.
[933.0s] You can, it's your call.
[938.1s] Never once have you actively tried to steer us away from doing something so much.
[943.2s] Shall we take pity on him?
[944.6s] He does help me when I fall over, so.
[946.7s] It's true.
[947.4s] Okay.
[948.1s] I mean, okay, I'm telling you not to because this is the first time I'm looking
[952.1s] at the city and you guys will fucking die there.
[955.0s] I have a feeling.
[957.7s] Well, I think maybe we should go to.
[959.4s] Where did he say?
[960.7s] Well, he said Eeltirell or we can just go to Baldur's gate.
[965.3s] Yep.
[965.6s] We could go there.
[966.8s] You guys want to hit the coast?
[968.2s] Maybe find a caravan or find a caravan.
[972.2s] Well, yeah, I'm tired of walking.
[973.7s] And I mean, Glim, I really appreciate you carrying me that last
[977.0s] quarter mile and everything, but.
[979.2s] How far do we know how far it is to Baldur's gate?
[983.0s] Uh, somebody roll a.
[986.2s] I've traveled a bunch.
[987.3s] I should know.
[988.2s] History is history.
[989.4s] Probably a good thing.
[991.8s] Is there a geography role?
[993.9s] Well, which way I think would probably be nature.
[995.7s] No, not nature.
[998.5s] 16.
[999.0s] Okay.
[999.1s] Where's a lame ranger when you need one in their knowledge of.
[1001.6s] Right.
[1003.1s] Um, if we said that was 10 days, then it's probably.
[1008.1s] 10.
[1008.6s] Seven days.
[1009.8s] Seven days travel to get to Baldur's gate.
[1013.4s] Probably five or six to get you to Elturell.
[1016.6s] Cause if we, if we go to Baldur's gate, that's, you know, uh, what?
[1020.5s] A week's worth of travel in the wrong direction.
[1022.6s] We need to be going east, not, not west.
[1025.1s] Well, yeah, but if we get to the coast, I mean, we could board a boat and then
[1030.6s] sail up the coast.
[1034.2s] Which is also on the eastern side of the world.
[1039.3s] Is there a way to sail east if the land is to the east?
[1048.1s] You've never seen a map of the location you're going for.
[1050.6s] That's something you'd have to ask an NPC for.
[1053.4s] Well, all of our NPCs just recently on this have been very single-minded.
[1057.7s] It's true.
[1058.4s] Really, they've only been focused on one thing.
[1063.0s] Russ immediately closes down the map he's looking at.
[1065.7s] He's like, Amy, this isn't for you.
[1068.2s] No, no, no.
[1069.8s] I think Moot's making a good point.
[1071.2s] If we want to get east eventually so I can save the world, maybe we should try and steer that way
[1077.2s] now.
[1078.4s] Yeah, that sounds fair.
[1080.1s] So he said if we, we can take a bit of a shortcut and it'll get us to
[1084.9s] Elturell.
[1085.7s] I think that probably seems like the best strategy.
[1089.5s] What do you guys think?
[1091.4s] Well, I'm here for it.
[1092.6s] Yeah.
[1092.9s] I mean, this, uh, Subaru sounds like a bad idea, so let's go around.
[1096.8s] And if a bird says so, you know it's bad.
[1099.4s] Exactly.
[1099.9s] I'm sure there'll be some adventures to be had in Elturell, too.
[1103.5s] I know you're itching for adventure, but we'll find something.
[1108.8s] You head off and in the direction of Elturell.
[1112.7s] You head over the Borskier Bridge.
[1115.6s] There is a bit of a trade, a trade settlement near the Borskier Bridge that you pass by.
[1123.4s] You could redirect yourself and go there.
[1127.0s] Nah, I think we want big, bigger city.
[1130.0s] Okay.
[1131.5s] We're looking for caravans and horses.
[1136.4s] You pass by the Borskier Bridge settlement and, um, you see you reach another,
[1143.3s] reach another fork in the road with a big sign that says Subaru this way.
[1147.9s] And then a right that leads into the Fields of the Dead, but says Elturell this way.
[1157.8s] I feel like we're getting really mixed signals now.
[1159.8s] I mean, Subaru's supposed to be very dangerous,
[1162.6s] but we have to go through the Fields of the Dead to get to Elturell?
[1166.6s] Well, wait, is the Fields of the Dead just a graveyard?
[1171.2s] Because that isn't actually that scary.
[1174.0s] Do we know about the Fields of the Dead?
[1175.6s] Can I history roll on this?
[1177.0s] Sure, you're more than, anybody's more than welcome to make a history roll.
[1180.3s] 17.
[1182.1s] Only a 12 for me.
[1183.0s] Someone knows their history.
[1184.0s] Oh, I haven't rolled yet.
[1184.9s] Hang on.
[1187.8s] Sully's been around.
[1189.0s] It's a 12.
[1190.2s] Yes.
[1190.8s] Hyrolls know that the Fields of the Dead were once a favored battleground
[1198.7s] of the lands north of Calamshan.
[1203.3s] So basically they, up to the mid 14th century, they were just littered with
[1210.5s] bones and dead soldiers, and as they turned to farmland,
[1216.5s] plows would occasionally turn up skeletons and rusting armor and weapons and other battle.
[1222.1s] Archaeologists must have been loving this area.
[1225.7s] So that's why it's called the Fields of the Dead,
[1228.5s] because there are plenty of people who have died and were left there.
[1232.3s] Do I know any spooky information about it?
[1234.9s] Like, don't go through the Fields of the Dead,
[1238.6s] you'll lose your mind or you'll see the ghost of a recently deceased friend or family member.
[1247.2s] No, no, didn't.
[1250.5s] I do like the specific nature of this warning.
[1256.6s] I like a good, very specific warning.
[1260.6s] You know, yeah.
[1262.5s] Well, okay, so the Fields of the Dead sounds super scary,
[1266.0s] but it's just an old battlefield.
[1268.6s] Like, now it's just kind of farmland, but I mean,
[1272.6s] these hills are for sure made on lots of dead bodies.
[1276.8s] Do you ever find when you're trying to make a decision so hard and you just agonize,
[1280.9s] but then once you've made it, it's like a weight is lifted
[1283.7s] and you just want to stay that course of action?
[1286.3s] Totally.
[1286.6s] That's how I feel about El Churl.
[1287.5s] Well, let's keep going to El Churl.
[1289.6s] Perfect.
[1292.1s] We go through the Fields of the Dead.
[1293.6s] All right.
[1294.0s] You head off and through the Fields of the Dead.
[1296.5s] And we'll just fast forward, you know, a couple of days
[1301.4s] into the center of the Fields of the Dead.
[1303.5s] There's nothing interesting.
[1304.4s] It's travel between cities.
[1307.6s] There's Fields, there's Dead.
[1309.0s] I know, but you stopped us, Anna.
[1310.2s] Just to be clear, do we run into any other people in these two days?
[1314.2s] Are there any old men wandering around?
[1315.9s] Sure, definitely.
[1316.6s] Any ghosts of a, you know, recently lost loved one?
[1320.2s] You, as you get closer to the physical Fields of the Dead,
[1326.8s] at night, you tend to hear things that you can't quite explain.
[1333.3s] Cries or moans that carry on the winds.
[1337.1s] But when investigated, you can't find anything or anyone attached to the sounds.
[1345.1s] So Sully doesn't sleep very much.
[1347.1s] This.
[1349.4s] How much does Sully sleep?
[1351.8s] Probably in like two hour intervals and is woken up by a noise and then,
[1359.3s] you know, stays awake for a little while and drifts back off.
[1362.6s] So he sleeps, but it's restless.
[1364.9s] Let's just say that.
[1366.3s] Okay.
[1369.4s] Okay.
[1369.7s] Good to know.
[1372.2s] You travel for...
[1373.1s] I take it back.
[1374.6s] Another couple of days and you do pass by some random people, various people,
[1381.5s] kind of just passing to and from some with small wagons filled with...
[1387.0s] Cabages.
[1387.8s] Cabages, vegetables, various...
[1390.6s] Children.
[1391.4s] Silks.
[1392.2s] They have children with them, some of them.
[1394.2s] The old cabbage wagons of Arteral.
[1398.0s] When you get to be about a day away, you're still within the Fields of the Dead proper.
[1404.1s] You see up ahead of you over a hill, what looks like an armored retinue of soldiers and clerics
[1410.4s] bearing a banner.
[1412.7s] And it looks like they've set up some sort of inspection point.
[1417.8s] Oh guys, guys, look up ahead.
[1421.4s] Act sober.
[1424.2s] Act sober?
[1425.0s] Aren't you...
[1425.7s] Sully, aren't you sober right now?
[1427.2s] Yeah, no, of course.
[1428.6s] Yeah, I was talking to you guys.
[1429.9s] Has Sully been drinking this whole time?
[1432.6s] I mean, also we're walking, so I mean you shouldn't really be drunk in public,
[1435.9s] but I mean it's not like we're driving a cart or something, it's not.
[1439.2s] Guys, be cool.
[1441.4s] Okay, okay, you're right, you're right.
[1446.6s] So you approach...
[1449.0s] Cooly though, right?
[1450.0s] Yeah, cooly.
[1450.6s] Like looking real cool, like real cash.
[1453.4s] So cool.
[1454.8s] And the lead, what you assume is the lead soldier.
[1460.7s] She steps up to you and says, where are you headed to?
[1466.7s] Oh, good day, we're just going to El Tirol.
[1471.2s] And what is the purpose of your travel?
[1476.5s] Well...
[1478.8s] Cut to 10 minutes later.
[1481.4s] Okay, and do you have any belongings you would like to declare, allegiances?
[1490.3s] I mean, Bahamut, as I mentioned, I do have a prophecy.
[1493.1s] I was more talking to the quiet two.
[1495.4s] Yes, dear, I got it, Bahamut.
[1498.3s] I mean, we're not like, you know...
[1500.8s] We're not Bahamaniacs or anything like that.
[1503.7s] But we're with Glim here, so we're helping her out with her thing.
[1510.4s] All right, a Bahamaniac and her cohorts.
[1516.3s] Good, good, good.
[1518.3s] Any dangerous goods you're traveling down this way?
[1522.9s] Well, we have our weapons on us, but the roads...
[1526.6s] The soldier looks kind of at what you're carrying and is like, yeah, it's fine.
[1532.2s] Okay.
[1532.4s] That's fine.
[1532.8s] I was just going to say.
[1534.6s] Can I...
[1535.7s] I don't mean to be disrespectful, but I'm just curious, are you...
[1539.8s] Do you serve the lord of these lands or why are you...
[1543.9s] Or the one true lord, Bahamut.
[1548.4s] Um, no, no, not the one true lord, Bahamut.
[1552.8s] No, we are soldiers and clerics from El Turo.
[1557.7s] We've set up these checkpoints and waypoints as kind of a...
[1563.6s] We're trying to track down certain cult members who eluded the army of Waterdeep's forces.
[1570.2s] Cult? Like the cult of the dragon cult?
[1572.9s] Mm-hmm.
[1573.5s] Like those purple cloak-wearing motherfuckers?
[1577.9s] Yes, exactly.
[1578.8s] Those purple cloak-wearing individuals who have done so many wrongs.
[1583.7s] Everybody make a wisdom saving throw.
[1586.9s] Oh, no.
[1589.0s] Wisdom saving throw.
[1590.2s] What's a minus one?
[1591.7s] Oh, no.
[1592.6s] Four.
[1593.0s] Twenty.
[1593.9s] Oh, Jesus.
[1595.5s] Oh, wow. All right.
[1597.9s] Fourteen.
[1599.0s] We are a well-bAlydinced group.
[1600.6s] I think that's what this says.
[1602.0s] I think that is what it says.
[1603.1s] I like it.
[1603.5s] Okay. Glim, you sense like a wave of something come over you,
[1609.7s] and you notice that there's a cleric who appears to be...
[1613.0s] You can presume that they're casting something.
[1615.8s] Sully, you and Moot, for whatever reason, must tell the truth.
[1624.4s] Motherfucker casts on the truth.
[1626.6s] God damn it.
[1628.2s] The soldier looks over her shoulder and nods and says,
[1632.9s] and have you three had any dealings with the Cult of the Dragon recently?
[1639.8s] No, not recently.
[1641.2s] No.
[1641.3s] I've been with these chuckleheads.
[1646.2s] And perhaps ever.
[1648.0s] Do you know of any cult travels?
[1653.5s] I don't know of any travels.
[1655.6s] I did have a run-in with them before I left home,
[1659.1s] but that was a while ago now.
[1661.9s] Interesting. Where was home?
[1663.8s] It was at our half-orc village in High Forest.
[1669.8s] Yes, they were hit quite hard.
[1670.8s] Well, it wasn't just half-orcs there.
[1672.2s] There were some humans, some full-blooded orcs, but mostly half-orcs.
[1677.3s] We had a pretty good group of people.
[1679.8s] We all lived in pretty good harmony.
[1682.3s] Tough to get half-orcs without humans and full-blooded orcs.
[1685.8s] Some people don't view that union as a very positive thing,
[1692.5s] but there was no judgment in our village, which was fantastic.
[1697.2s] Until those cult guys showed up.
[1698.6s] No judgment here, my brother.
[1700.9s] Thanks, Sully.
[1702.9s] And Sora, you said you didn't have any dealings with the cult?
[1706.4s] Well, not recently, but in the past for sure.
[1709.6s] They did kidnap me that one time, but I got free and I ran.
[1714.1s] But then I was kidnapped again in the forest.
[1718.6s] A lot of kidnappings for this one, yeah.
[1720.9s] Well, I think it might be my size, man.
[1723.5s] I'm easily portable or something.
[1725.9s] But anyway, and then I woke up in a jail in, what was that?
[1729.4s] Always winter?
[1730.4s] Never winter?
[1731.6s] Forever winter?
[1733.8s] Never winter.
[1734.4s] Never winter.
[1735.0s] Woke up in a jail cell and never winter, saying that I assaulted,
[1738.9s] allegedly assaulted another guard.
[1742.3s] And which was completely false claims, considering that-
[1746.8s] So you were released because the evidence found you free?
[1751.9s] Well, absolutely.
[1753.5s] They had nothing, nothing to stick on me, which I mean, I say, well,
[1759.6s] they would have found that no evidence would stick on me,
[1763.4s] but I completely broke that prison.
[1767.2s] Yeah, I broke out.
[1768.7s] I broke out.
[1769.3s] I escaped the prison.
[1771.5s] And now, though, I find myself here.
[1773.6s] Have I ever once assaulted anybody that was not a monster that was attacking us?
[1780.2s] Not that didn't have it coming.
[1781.4s] Thank you.
[1782.5s] And something was weird with that warden of that jail.
[1785.8s] She was clearly setting Sully up for something.
[1787.6s] Oh my goodness.
[1789.4s] And they had some bad dealings going on.
[1791.3s] You know what?
[1791.6s] The warden of that jail had some mix-ins in with the Cult of the Dragon.
[1796.8s] Some mix-ins, like what you put in with ice cream.
[1800.9s] What's ice cream?
[1802.3s] You haven't had ice cream.
[1803.6s] You were in Neverwinter, and you never had ice cream?
[1806.4s] They do not give the inmates sweet treats.
[1809.3s] That doesn't really sound like a jail kind of thing.
[1812.6s] Maybe I would not have left had they given me some of this ice cream.
[1816.7s] Okay, good to know.
[1820.6s] All right, well, you are free to pass through.
[1823.4s] Cool, thanks.
[1824.4s] Sully starts walking.
[1827.0s] Just out of curiosity, if we do see some people, some cult people,
[1834.0s] do you guys have a home office or is it just all roving field reporters?
[1838.0s] Like who do we talk to?
[1840.1s] Well, there are many people in the field, so to speak.
[1843.2s] If you see anybody between here and El Toro,
[1845.7s] you're more than welcome to go speak to the Lord's Guard.
[1852.4s] And what's your name so we can tell them
[1854.2s] that you suggested we go talk to them?
[1859.4s] Shayna.
[1860.6s] Wow, that's not where I expected that to go with the initial starting sound.
[1865.6s] All right, Shayna, see you around.
[1868.3s] Sully's a ways off.
[1871.4s] Do you have a description of the cult members?
[1873.4s] I assume they're not still going to be wearing their purple robes.
[1876.2s] No, no, it's tough to tell them as we have these set up.
[1882.0s] There's some who are peculiar.
[1886.0s] She kind of looks over to Sully.
[1889.4s] Sully looks back, I'm not a cult member.
[1892.0s] But watching them long enough, they tend to reveal themselves quite quickly.
[1897.3s] Ah, the flashes.
[1898.6s] I see.
[1899.5s] Aren't you gone yet?
[1900.6s] The flash.
[1905.3s] For someone who's far away, you've got excellent hearing.
[1907.8s] You know what?
[1908.2s] Sully does have really good hearing.
[1911.9s] I feel like it's been established before.
[1913.6s] I was going to say, but I already established that in a backstory somewhere.
[1918.7s] She leans into you, Glim, and Moot, I don't know if you've walked off to Sully or not.
[1924.8s] Kind of halfway in between.
[1925.9s] Okay.
[1927.4s] Just, I don't know, how long have you been with these two?
[1934.0s] Oh, well, for a while.
[1936.5s] I mean, they're part of my destiny.
[1938.8s] So we're a trio.
[1939.8s] Right, yes, we went over the destiny, yes.
[1941.9s] Yes, so they're part of that whole thing.
[1944.6s] So they're definitely the good guys.
[1947.6s] Keep an eye on the small one, that's all I say.
[1951.9s] Someone might check in with you once you reach El Toro.
[1955.8s] Never mind about it, it's nothing to be worried.
[1959.4s] Someone might ask a few more questions.
[1965.0s] Well, I love answering questions.
[1967.4s] And she waves you through and goes on to the next group
[1970.7s] that was patiently waiting for the last 20 minutes as you discussed all of this.
[1987.8s] We're in the middle now.
[1989.5s] Thanks for being here.
[1991.8s] Welcome to the peanut butter.
[1993.6s] We'll have some peanut butter for you.
[1997.4s] What if there's people who are allergic?
[1999.4s] We'll have sunflower butter for you.
[2002.7s] Yeah, some sort of seed butter.
[2006.2s] Yeah, you got a seed, we'll make butter out of it.
[2010.5s] Let's move on from that statement.
[2013.0s] Let's keep going, my goodness.
[2014.6s] Let's just keep rolling.
[2016.1s] Yeah, that's fair.
[2016.8s] Do you know who can name things better than Russ, like seed butter?
[2021.5s] Our patrons.
[2022.2s] Our patrons can do that.
[2023.3s] Oh, that's true.
[2023.8s] Yes, thank God for them.
[2025.4s] They make up names that don't even start with G, you guys.
[2029.3s] Are there even names that don't start with G?
[2031.2s] There was a name that started with a G,
[2033.3s] and sure, it was a play off of one of my characters.
[2036.3s] Was it Grancyne?
[2040.4s] But yes, recently, it's been a little while
[2042.6s] since we've done this little update here,
[2044.7s] and I said I was going to try and be better with it,
[2046.6s] but I'm not because I'm not.
[2048.3s] You are, you're doing it right now.
[2050.2s] You're doing it right now.
[2051.4s] Our patrons make up names and give us items in show,
[2055.5s] and then we use those in show.
[2059.4s] So at the in-world tier, which is $15 a month,
[2062.6s] you can submit a character or an NPC
[2067.9s] that is involved in the story.
[2069.8s] You can create a magic item, magic or mundane item.
[2072.6s] You can just give them a paperclip.
[2074.1s] That's totally cool too.
[2077.0s] On board for it.
[2078.0s] Give me a paperclip.
[2079.0s] Don't tell me what it's for.
[2080.4s] Watch me freak out about it for 30 minutes.
[2083.8s] Yes, please.
[2086.6s] And you can contribute to a random NPC list.
[2090.2s] All that and then everything else in previous tiers,
[2093.9s] which is a whole bunch of exclusive bonus content,
[2096.3s] but some people who have recently given us names
[2099.4s] are Fen Talma, which is the goblin you met
[2106.2s] when you were with David and Tiffany,
[2109.5s] with the turnt gobos.
[2110.6s] Oh yes, yeah.
[2110.8s] One of the turnt gobos.
[2111.8s] No, the non-turnt gobo.
[2114.4s] That was the one from the water deep guard
[2116.2s] who gave you the rundown.
[2116.5s] The one who's just turned it all around for himself.
[2118.8s] Sure.
[2119.8s] So that was provided by Fen the Goblin.
[2122.7s] Well, thank you Fen the Goblin.
[2125.5s] Thank you.
[2126.7s] Another name.
[2127.4s] These are ones that Carla has brought to life.
[2129.4s] So thank you Carla.
[2131.4s] Lipsinki, Pip Diggins was provided by Devon Michaels.
[2137.0s] My life wouldn't be complete without Lipsinki.
[2139.0s] Yep, and they were always supposed to be
[2141.6s] kind of a pippy long stocking thing,
[2143.1s] which they turned into.
[2144.6s] So that was great.
[2145.3s] Perfect.
[2145.7s] She was real fun.
[2147.0s] Then most recently, Lex or Beefy Boy or No Name or Granger.
[2152.7s] That whole list of names I had at the beginning.
[2155.5s] Yeah, I can't list them all.
[2156.1s] But one of which was Lee, because.
[2159.9s] Because Lee Henderson provided what I put down originally
[2164.5s] as a Frankenstein character, which Lex.
[2168.3s] Kind of is.
[2168.9s] Kind of is.
[2170.9s] So thank you very much to our patrons.
[2173.0s] There are plenty more names coming on the way.
[2177.1s] And if you would like to submit a name or an item
[2180.3s] or a paper clip to the show,
[2182.5s] you can do so by visiting Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast.
[2187.1s] And that tier specifically is at the $15 a month tier.
[2189.9s] But if you can't give quite that much,
[2191.4s] we have a whole ton of extra amazing bonus content
[2195.3s] plus some more great stuff,
[2197.5s] including a special bonus one shot
[2201.0s] that Carla and Amy played with me specifically and not Tom.
[2205.2s] I can't wait to hear it.
[2206.2s] I can't wait to hear it.
[2207.1s] It's going to be so good.
[2207.9s] It's a real hoot.
[2208.9s] We've been talking this one up a little bit.
[2211.1s] It's going to be coming out hopefully by Friday.
[2214.0s] If not, then Saturday for sure.
[2216.0s] But that'll be hitting Patreon for patrons this week.
[2221.0s] So thank you to everybody.
[2223.4s] Yes. Thank you for enriching.
[2225.7s] Thank you for enriching our podcast with your ideas.
[2229.4s] Yes.
[2229.8s] Because your ideas are more often than not better than my ideas.
[2233.8s] Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast.
[2235.4s] Thank you very much.
[2236.3s] Enjoy the rest of this episode.
[2244.0s] You carry on your way and it's,
[2246.5s] you know, you make it to El Toro by kind of dusk.
[2250.4s] And you reach the city.
[2252.7s] It is a city that lies as soon as you kind of crest over
[2256.4s] the hills of the heartlands that you find yourselves in.
[2260.6s] It's on a river and there is a main hold, a main keep
[2268.2s] that looks like it's in the center of the town.
[2271.6s] The city in and of itself sprawls pretty far.
[2276.2s] Like it's a reasonably large city.
[2279.7s] From what anybody remembers from their history check,
[2283.0s] like it's a city of close to 30,000 people.
[2287.0s] It was previously evacuated due to the cult following,
[2291.3s] but it looks like many people have begun returning to El Toro.
[2295.8s] Hey guys, I don't want to stay here very long.
[2297.8s] I don't like the initial interrogation
[2299.8s] and the poking and prodding into my own personal stuff.
[2302.8s] Well, that's fair, but I do understand.
[2304.6s] I mean, this whole city was almost destroyed
[2308.5s] and the cult really took over.
[2309.8s] And so they're just, you know, trying to be protective.
[2313.3s] But you're my friend and I want to be protective of you.
[2316.2s] So you're right, we probably shouldn't stay too long.
[2318.1s] They seem suspicious of you a little.
[2321.4s] Well, yeah.
[2322.1s] And I mean, like normally I would have like
[2325.2s] really protected my own personal like feelings
[2328.2s] and history and stuff because I don't think
[2330.5s] that kind of stuff matters.
[2332.2s] But I just like spilled the freaking beans, man.
[2335.8s] Yeah, I was wondering about that.
[2337.5s] Didn't seem like the,
[2339.2s] you're not usually so forthcoming to strangers.
[2342.2s] You make it into the city
[2343.4s] and it's largely primarily humans in this city.
[2347.4s] You walk past a few as it's getting to be
[2349.3s] a little bit after dusk and
[2352.9s] nobody really looks too concerned
[2355.9s] at any of you walking into town.
[2358.6s] So what are you looking for in town?
[2361.8s] Probably something to eat and drink,
[2364.9s] a place to sleep and then continue on.
[2367.4s] Yeah, probably.
[2368.8s] You walk through town a little ways.
[2371.5s] You make it to a bit of a busier portion of town
[2374.2s] as you get further in.
[2376.4s] And you make it to a tavern.
[2379.4s] And the tavern is called...
[2383.4s] Not a library.
[2387.4s] What a weird name.
[2389.0s] I peeked through a window.
[2390.4s] Yeah, this looks like a,
[2391.5s] this looks like a bayou, guys.
[2392.9s] Is this, is it a name?
[2395.8s] So a weird but accurate name.
[2398.0s] Yeah, I mean, is it clever or anything?
[2400.2s] Am I missing something?
[2402.2s] Maybe it used to be a library
[2404.1s] and they want,
[2405.0s] they got sick of all those bookworms coming in
[2407.5s] asking for recommendations
[2410.2s] when all they wanted to do was sell mead.
[2413.7s] Yeah, maybe.
[2416.7s] Do you, well, let's go in.
[2419.0s] Want to not go into the li,
[2421.8s] not, oh no.
[2423.5s] I mean, I like normal libraries,
[2425.0s] so I'm sure this will be great too.
[2429.9s] One of you heads into not a library,
[2432.1s] the tavern in front of you.
[2434.7s] And it's not bustling.
[2438.3s] There are a few people who are enjoying a meal
[2441.7s] and a few drinks.
[2444.8s] And many tables that are open.
[2447.4s] There is a human male standing behind the tavern,
[2450.5s] or standing, standing.
[2452.8s] Taking a pee in the alleyway.
[2454.2s] Yeah, there is a human male standing behind the bar
[2457.6s] and he notices you come in and says,
[2459.4s] ah, travelers, what can I get you?
[2461.8s] Some answers about your name.
[2464.4s] Why not a library?
[2467.1s] Well, you know, we were a library.
[2470.7s] Oh, so you were right.
[2472.1s] They were a library.
[2473.2s] Yeah.
[2473.5s] I guess it's a very clever name.
[2475.5s] And then we're not a library now, you know?
[2480.2s] So it seemed like a good fix.
[2483.2s] I'll have a meat and got anything like quick
[2486.7s] and convenient to eat.
[2487.8s] I'm starving and I don't want to wait.
[2489.9s] Well, you know, we've been trying to bring in
[2491.8s] some different delicacies here to not a library.
[2495.6s] Can I interest you in some,
[2499.0s] let me see what the chef has whipped up tonight.
[2501.7s] And he says,
[2503.1s] marinated artichokes seasoned with caper and chicory
[2506.0s] and served on a bed of wild mushroom rice.
[2508.7s] Fuck yeah, bud.
[2509.5s] Thank you.
[2510.0s] That sounds delicious.
[2512.2s] Do you have anything meatier, too, like?
[2514.2s] Well, we have the second thing he put down here
[2516.8s] is potatoes, potatoes of all sizes.
[2520.6s] Grab a giant potato bowl for potato soup
[2523.4s] with a side of roasted potatoes.
[2525.2s] So it seems like he ran out of meat.
[2529.0s] He really used up all of his culinary.
[2531.0s] Inspiration on the first dish.
[2533.0s] Really came out with, yeah, the marinated artichokes,
[2535.8s] which, you know, not a lot of meat today, apparently.
[2541.1s] Butcher day, what day is it?
[2542.8s] Butcher day is tomorrow.
[2544.5s] Well, that's fine.
[2545.3s] I will take the first delicious option.
[2547.5s] Marinated artichokes seasoned with caper and chicory
[2550.2s] and served with a bed of wild rice.
[2551.8s] It takes a long time to write down.
[2553.0s] I'm just going to write down artichokes.
[2556.0s] Yeah, I'll have that, too.
[2557.0s] Do you guys want to share a potato?
[2558.8s] Yeah, let's bring us your biggest potato.
[2561.8s] Get the big potato.
[2563.0s] Get a potato for the table.
[2565.6s] Get the biggest potato you have.
[2567.6s] Good, good.
[2568.2s] You're the first people to order the potatoes.
[2570.3s] It's got an exclamation mark on it.
[2572.1s] Oh, it has an exclamation mark.
[2573.5s] I'd like to potato.
[2574.4s] Yeah, he shows you the menu
[2575.4s] and there definitely is an exclamation mark right after that.
[2577.8s] That's impressive.
[2578.0s] Well, you know.
[2579.3s] It's exciting.
[2580.2s] Yeah, I almost said a G name.
[2584.1s] I was just going to say.
[2585.3s] Ferret.
[2585.8s] Ferret is an excellent chef.
[2589.8s] A, B, C, D, E, S, G.
[2592.2s] He's going backwards, folks.
[2593.6s] He's going backwards.
[2594.5s] We have a real ratatouille situation on our hands.
[2595.9s] He's totally a ratatouille chef.
[2597.7s] He's a rip-off ratatouille chef.
[2603.0s] Anyways.
[2603.9s] And what's your name find, sir?
[2606.0s] Or madam.
[2607.1s] I can't remember what it is.
[2608.4s] I am a sir.
[2609.5s] I am a sir.
[2610.4s] Yes, yes.
[2611.0s] I don't like to presume.
[2612.1s] He never likes to assume.
[2613.3s] Yep.
[2614.3s] Uh, uh, my name is Mon.
[2616.7s] Hey, Mon.
[2617.9s] Why is it so funny?
[2619.9s] Well, it's kind of like man.
[2622.2s] But, but it's Mon, M-O-N, not M-A-N.
[2624.7s] I know.
[2625.1s] I just think you're so cool, Mon.
[2628.2s] Thank you.
[2628.9s] Thank you.
[2629.3s] I'm so glad you three have walked into my,
[2632.8s] not a library tonight.
[2633.9s] And he kind of mumbles to himself.
[2635.9s] Hold on a second.
[2636.5s] I got a question.
[2637.2s] Thanks, Mon.
[2637.9s] Is there any vacancy over at Nottingham?
[2640.0s] Nottingham closed down a few, a few years ago.
[2643.9s] That's too bad.
[2644.7s] Okay.
[2645.0s] What about the one beside it?
[2646.3s] We are an inn.
[2647.5s] Yep.
[2647.8s] There definitely have vacancies.
[2649.6s] Okay.
[2649.9s] That's great.
[2650.3s] I just, you guys are all connected here along this like little strip.
[2653.2s] So I just kind of thought I'd ask.
[2654.7s] Yeah.
[2655.0s] Not many travelers through right now.
[2656.6s] You know, we're not up to full capacity.
[2658.2s] So I'm sure we are an inn would have many places for you to stay.
[2663.1s] Cool.
[2663.8s] Thanks, Mon.
[2665.0s] He walks back into the kitchen.
[2667.2s] Guys, can I just say I'm super excited about the potato for the table.
[2672.7s] Me too.
[2673.1s] I'm so curious.
[2673.9s] I mean, the artichoke sound delicious.
[2675.7s] Sure.
[2676.0s] Like, if that is your first option and then they're going to bring something else,
[2681.1s] like this potato is probably going to be amazing.
[2683.9s] Well, that's what I'm thinking.
[2684.9s] Plus the exclamation mark.
[2686.3s] Oh my goodness.
[2686.7s] That's what sold it for me.
[2687.9s] I'm wondering if it's cooked or not.
[2690.6s] I guess we're going to find out.
[2691.9s] He didn't really say.
[2693.1s] He might just scream potato from the back and then just throw one at us.
[2697.5s] You don't know.
[2698.3s] I guess, I guess everyone be ready.
[2700.7s] I was born ready.
[2704.6s] A few moments later.
[2705.5s] Do any potatoes fly at our head?
[2707.8s] Out of the bag.
[2708.4s] I'm ready my action.
[2709.4s] Rock it.
[2710.7s] It's magic missile potatoes.
[2712.3s] That's what it is.
[2713.0s] They surely hit you.
[2714.6s] Mon comes back.
[2715.9s] Hold on.
[2716.7s] Magic missile potatoes.
[2718.2s] They'll hit the spot.
[2722.7s] Write it down.
[2723.8s] Somebody write it down.
[2725.6s] Amy doesn't write during these.
[2727.4s] Merch shirt.
[2729.0s] Save it.
[2729.9s] Save it for NPC interaction.
[2732.0s] Now it's just a thing you said.
[2733.4s] I'm sorry, but sometimes it doesn't come up.
[2737.4s] And if you don't say it, then like two seconds later, you're like, oh, what was I going to say?
[2741.1s] When Mon brings it over, edit all this out.
[2743.7s] I'll say, hey, have you thought about?
[2745.7s] And then I'll give him the idea.
[2747.4s] And then we can add it as merch shirt.
[2751.3s] Merch and or shirt.
[2753.5s] I would wear a t-shirt that said that.
[2756.7s] No one would know what it meant, but I would and it would make me happy.
[2759.8s] Not a library.
[2761.1s] Yes, I would maybe also like not a library on a shirt.
[2766.8s] Mon comes out with several plates, bAlydincing them on his arms, and he lays them down.
[2775.0s] And it's the plates of artichokes for those who ordered them.
[2779.0s] I think it was everybody.
[2779.9s] But and then there was the potato for the table.
[2782.1s] He says, I'll bring the potatoes back momentarily.
[2786.4s] Enjoy your artichokes seasoned with caper and chicory and served on a bed of wild mushroom rice.
[2793.3s] Hey, hey, hey, Mon, something just occurred to me.
[2798.2s] I used to be a namologist.
[2799.7s] And I'm just saying like potatoes exclamation marks really good.
[2803.2s] But what if you name them magic missile potatoes?
[2807.5s] They'll hit the spot.
[2808.8s] Oh, just think about it.
[2811.4s] I like that I'm marinating on.
[2813.0s] It's it's good.
[2814.9s] You haven't tried them yet.
[2817.4s] I just buy the smell of them from the back is all I can assume is that that tastes real good.
[2822.4s] Perfect.
[2822.9s] I will go I will go fetch the potatoes.
[2825.6s] Magic missile, perhaps.
[2827.0s] We'll see.
[2827.9s] I'll talk to Ferret about it.
[2829.4s] See what see what they think.
[2833.7s] Really going to have to mull this one over.
[2835.4s] OK, I'll be back.
[2838.0s] You dive into your.
[2839.2s] As he's walking away, I scream at him, mull it over.
[2842.9s] A new name for your in-house.
[2846.4s] Um, wine, mulled wine.
[2848.7s] Yes, yes, your mulled wine.
[2849.9s] Yes, thank you.
[2850.7s] You're welcome.
[2851.1s] Halfling friend.
[2852.3s] Your past as a namologist is really seeming to pay off.
[2855.5s] Well, it's just kind of feels like you're so fast with them coming to you.
[2860.8s] I know.
[2862.9s] He comes back with several plates and bowls.
[2866.3s] Oh, my.
[2866.8s] He lays the plates into each individual down in front of you and gives you each a bowl
[2872.1s] and says, I shall return.
[2873.9s] There's no potatoes yet.
[2876.5s] Sorry, there's no potatoes yet or there's no potatoes yet.
[2882.5s] Me saying it.
[2883.2s] But yes, you're right.
[2884.1s] There's no potatoes yet.
[2886.5s] He goes into the back and you hear some grunting and heavy lifting and he comes out
[2892.3s] and he's carrying a big pot and has a big plate like this wide on top of his head.
[2897.7s] He's very, very talented with bAlydincing things, obviously.
[2902.1s] And he pulls up the big bowl of potato soup and puts it down in the middle of the table
[2907.7s] and lays the platter of various types of potatoes.
[2912.3s] Some baked whole, some cut up cubed raw, some various herbed smoked,
[2919.1s] some in spiral twists, others mashed.
[2923.1s] And he says, potatoes.
[2927.9s] Sully claps his hands.
[2930.1s] I am so relieved we just got one for the table.
[2932.7s] Oh, my goodness.
[2933.3s] What if we all ordered potatoes?
[2935.3s] Oh, my.
[2936.7s] It is a lot of food.
[2937.9s] This looks amazing.
[2939.0s] Yes, I was perhaps attempted to revise the menu paper.
[2943.8s] Paper is very expensive these days.
[2946.3s] But now that we have magic missile potatoes to think about,
[2949.2s] it gives us gives us time to think about actually revising.
[2953.7s] I mean, that's really a brand you can you can hook on to.
[2957.2s] And this is amazing.
[2958.3s] But you might want to think about your portion size.
[2962.4s] What's wrong with the portion size?
[2963.9s] Well, nothing.
[2964.5s] But I mean, if you want to really like turn a profit here,
[2968.2s] you could you could give at least half the amount of food that you've given here
[2973.2s] and people will be so super satisfied with it.
[2975.6s] But if a dish is called potatoes and it comes out and has small amounts of potatoes,
[2985.1s] less yelly.
[2986.3s] But a large variety of potatoes.
[2988.7s] There is a large varietal of potatoes.
[2991.4s] I'm happy with what I have, Miss.
[2993.0s] I was just thinking about your bottom dollar.
[2994.7s] Thank you.
[2995.3s] Thank you.
[2995.8s] More to mull over like the wine.
[2998.7s] That's right.
[3000.3s] Mull it over.
[3001.3s] He brings you your meads and says, well, I've
[3005.1s] got new life goals to think about here.
[3008.3s] I'll leave you to it.
[3009.9s] Thanks, Mon.
[3011.0s] Anytime.
[3011.8s] Your names were?
[3014.2s] Through a mouthful of mashed potatoes.
[3016.6s] I say, Holly.
[3019.2s] Holly.
[3021.2s] And I spit potatoes everywhere.
[3022.8s] Shully.
[3024.4s] Shully.
[3025.1s] OK, got it.
[3026.3s] Moot over here.
[3027.9s] I'm Glim.
[3028.6s] Moot and Glim and Shully.
[3032.2s] Got it.
[3033.2s] And he goes back behind the bar to speak with some other patrons.
[3038.1s] Wow, Sully, you're really have you ever been a business consultant?
[3042.0s] I know you've had a lot of jobs and it doesn't really sound like the kind of job
[3045.1s] you would have had, but you're giving him a lot of great advice.
[3047.1s] A lot of great ideas.
[3048.0s] Well, you know, I worked for some time as a musician,
[3055.0s] which is just when you are you give ideas to other people,
[3059.5s] like you are the source of their of their inspiration.
[3066.7s] Carla likes this one.
[3070.0s] And so I think that might be where this is coming from,
[3073.9s] you know, like I got a lot of really good ideas.
[3076.1s] But, you know, sometimes I just hold them all in.
[3080.3s] Have you thought about, you know, like writing these all down as the inspiration strikes?
[3085.6s] Well, you know, I'm not really great with the pen and paper.
[3088.1s] I didn't really go to some any formal educational institution.
[3092.3s] But every time I blurt one out, if you want to write it down for me,
[3095.3s] Moot, we could be a team.
[3097.1s] I mean, I've already been doing that.
[3098.9s] Oh, so I'll just continue.
[3100.6s] Well, yeah, because why double up the effort?
[3102.7s] Well, see, like I already wrote down musician here.
[3106.9s] Well, have you never heard of that job?
[3109.9s] I've yeah, I've heard of that job just in a different way.
[3115.1s] Oh, yeah, it's definitely different spelling.
[3121.9s] It's with the T.I.O.N.
[3125.9s] You finish up your meals and Mon comes over and says,
[3130.2s] Can I get you anything else?
[3133.1s] You've given me so much.
[3135.1s] What can I give to you?
[3136.3s] Do you need more mead?
[3137.9s] Do you need more food?
[3139.1s] Are you headed over to the we are an inn?
[3142.3s] Well, I certainly don't need any more food.
[3144.5s] Oh, my gosh.
[3145.1s] No, I don't think I you guys gonna have to roll me out of here.
[3148.6s] You did finish off all of the potatoes.
[3150.7s] So it seems to be a good portion size for perhaps a family or a traveling trio.
[3155.8s] Oh, definitely.
[3157.1s] I like this whole family style like you serve yourself off the planet.
[3160.5s] Yeah, did you feel maybe mention that to people when they order it?
[3165.0s] That perhaps it's to feed more than one person.
[3169.7s] Good to know.
[3170.3s] I love this place.
[3171.1s] I think you're doing a great job.
[3172.5s] Thank you.
[3172.8s] Not a library.
[3173.9s] Thank you.
[3176.0s] So just the bill then?
[3178.6s] Yes, please.
[3179.6s] Yes.
[3180.3s] Yes, just the bill.
[3181.3s] Thank you.
[3181.8s] And can we talk to you about a room or is that something that we have to go across the way?
[3185.7s] You must go to we are an inn.
[3187.9s] They deal with all of their own bookings over there.
[3190.3s] Oh, okay.
[3190.9s] You can tell them that Martin sent you and perhaps a referral rate will be implemented.
[3198.0s] He lays the bill down on the table and says, take your time.
[3202.4s] I have this card.
[3203.2s] It's favoring frequent flyer miles.
[3205.2s] I don't know what this is.
[3207.2s] It's legit and I put it back in my pocket.
[3212.9s] How much is the bill?
[3214.7s] It just says thanks for the heads up and it's free.
[3219.1s] Wow.
[3219.8s] No, no, no, no, no, no.
[3222.4s] It is seven gold.
[3227.4s] Oh, I feel like that's a lot of potatoes.
[3230.6s] That's a pricey meal.
[3231.7s] I feel like we could buy swords for that.
[3233.6s] I also feel like we've purchased weapons for less.
[3239.8s] But you know what?
[3240.3s] They're just getting their economy started again.
[3242.2s] So it's true.
[3243.4s] It's true.
[3245.0s] Who reaches to pay the bill?
[3249.3s] Sully starts rummaging around for his sack of gold.
[3253.9s] Like, well, I know I got it here somewhere.
[3256.3s] Yeah, he's taking a little too long.
[3259.1s] I know you're joking, Sully, but you don't find your sack of gold.
[3264.7s] Guys, guys.
[3267.2s] Yeah?
[3267.9s] I didn't have my gold.
[3270.8s] What do you mean you don't have your gold?
[3272.1s] Well, I had it.
[3273.0s] You always have your gold.
[3274.2s] Why, and sometimes other people's gold.
[3277.4s] Oh, I.
[3279.1s] Yeah, did she ever give us our gold?
[3280.7s] Sorry, did he ever give us our gold after our last adventure?
[3283.7s] When he gave it to Sully?
[3286.1s] Yeah, I know circumference gave 500 gold to Sully.
[3289.4s] We never ever give it to us.
[3290.8s] We never talked about it.
[3292.7s] Okay, I guess probably.
[3294.3s] Probably I lost it.
[3295.6s] Oh, my gosh.
[3296.3s] You guys, there was a lot of gold in there.
[3298.6s] We have to retrace our steps.
[3301.2s] I've got a beautiful mind palaces thing.
[3304.1s] We got to see like maybe we should.
[3309.0s] And I'm not big on this, but alert the authorities.
[3314.1s] You reach into one final pocket and you feel something kind of sticky
[3319.3s] and you pull your hand back out and there's some jam on your hand and a note.
[3323.1s] And the note says, tanks for goblin place.
[3326.6s] Oh, my God.
[3333.4s] It says, tanks for goblin place.
[3339.0s] I'll misspell.
[3340.3s] And their spelling is what I assume that it's not very good.
[3344.7s] Again, with the formal education, I try to slide the note over,
[3350.1s] but instead it kind of like rolls up into like a little cylinder
[3354.7s] because it's so sticky and I just am kind of like, oh, no,
[3358.4s] I can't believe those turnt gobbos stole our money.
[3360.7s] Well, they were turnt.
[3361.9s] So, you know, I can believe it.
[3363.9s] Yeah.
[3365.5s] I'm just surprised that Sully let it happen.
[3367.9s] Well, me too.
[3368.9s] Do you think?
[3369.8s] I mean, they pickpocketed you.
[3372.1s] Well, not entirely.
[3375.9s] Well, they jam pocketed you at least.
[3377.5s] Well, I saw, you know, I was talking with one of them gobble girls
[3382.1s] and I thought, you know, we were hitting it off and she was getting a little fresh.
[3386.3s] And apparently it wasn't my cute bum.
[3390.3s] She was looking to pinch.
[3393.1s] It was my pennies.
[3394.9s] I guess that doesn't make sense.
[3396.4s] Not just your cute bum.
[3398.4s] So, Glim or Moot, you guys got this one.
[3403.9s] I'm so sorry.
[3405.1s] I lost our money.
[3409.7s] I mean, it's okay.
[3412.5s] It's not ideal, but it's okay.
[3414.8s] So, do we have any money?
[3417.0s] I think we did have money to start with at some point.
[3421.9s] We don't normally deal with money.
[3424.5s] This is a fun new thing we're doing.
[3426.5s] I'll save you time.
[3427.5s] I'll pay for it.
[3428.4s] You both reach into where you normally keep your money and find notes covered in jam.
[3435.5s] Thanks for a goblin place.
[3437.5s] Oh, those gobbos.
[3443.1s] They stole all of our money.
[3444.3s] Yep.
[3444.8s] Those turnt little so-and-so's.
[3447.3s] Gosh.
[3472.1s] The intro and extra music long road ahead is by Kavin MacLeod of incompetech.filmmusic.io.
[3495.4s] All other music, sound effects, and ambience can be found at epidemicsound.com.
[3500.7s] A huge thank you to our supporting producers.
[3503.1s] Gabriel Lynch, Joshua Dixon, Christian Brown, Devin Michaels, Cat Waterflame, and Jacob Madden.
[3508.9s] To become a patron, visit Patreon.com slash dumbdragoncast,
[3512.4s] where you get exclusive content, including an entire exclusive campaign,
[3516.7s] Dumgeon's downtime episodes, early access to our new show Facing Fate,
[3521.1s] as well as a whole slew of other amazing bonus exclusive content.
[3525.5s] Visit Patreon.com slash dumbdragoncast to check it out today.
[3530.0s] Well, I think Flint might be.
[3533.3s] No, oh, no, no, it might not be here.
[3537.8s] And if he were, though, this is what he'd say.
[3542.4s] Whatever you girls want to do.
[3545.8s] Way to make us all sound like we're doing a bad Jamaican accent.
[3552.3s] Sir Chef is ferret.
[3555.8s] And the bar is not a library.
[3559.6s] These notes are going to make no sense.
[3562.4s] I realize I'm writing this down and I'm going to be like,
[3564.9s] Tavern, not a library.
[3566.6s] Chef, ferret.
[3567.7s] I'm going to be like, real weird game of Mad Libs going on here.
[3571.5s] You're welcome, by the way.
[3572.7s] I saw you about to random name Jim Ray.
[3575.3s] I'm like, no, no, it's not a library.
[3578.9s] Feel free to jump in whenever you want.
[3580.5s] I like to help build the world.
[3582.0s] Yes, please do.
[3582.7s] It's fun.
[3583.5s] It is fun.
[3584.2s] Dumbgeons & Dragons is a Dumb Dragons production.